Everybody Has ADHD

I have a cousin who in the 1970s was diagnosed as simply “hyper” and boy howdy was he! He was most like the Tasmanian Devil of cartoon fame. It was completely outside his control and my father who was a doctor, as was my cousin’s father, told me that he takes speed as medication. I found that incredibly odd and he said that speed works differently in my cousin’s body and actually calms him down.

I would have thought my childhood was normal, although I got into drugs and alcohol at a very young age, marijuana particularly. When I smoked it, I could do anything, or better yet, could keep doing everything. Running, reading, playing my guitar, studying and so on were all more enjoyable and kept my focus and so kept my effort going. But I got in some trouble with the alcohol side of things. I got arrested with a friend at 16 drunk and going to a midnight movie. We were walking and had beer and weed. My weed was in a vial that I took from my dad’s bureau, which he noted when he picked me up at the police station. Did not go well.

I wrapped my parent’s car around a telephone pole drunk in 11^th grade, chipping a friend’s tooth, but thankfully, did not go beyond that. We ran from the car to my friend’s house and I believe I mostly just cried. I was chased out of a high school dance for being too drunk and eventually made my way home in the snow somehow with one shoe and no coat. This sort of behavior happened throughout my high school days, but I didn’t think much of it overall. I kind of thought that everyone was doing that stuff, I mean, it was the 70s.

I graduate, the behavior mostly continues, and over time, I start to develop serious anxiety. I didn’t even know what it was, but it was actually debilitating. Eventually I found my way to a psychologist who explained that all to me. I was put on an anti-depressant but hated how it made me feel and quit. I was also given some anxiety meds to use when it hits me badly, and that worked like a charm.

So I spent the next 25 years self-medicating with alcohol and became a full-blown alcoholic. Because it worked. I could have a bad day at work then at 5ppour a few drinks down the gullet and voila! Whatever happened that day was chased from my mind and I was in bliss.

However, the depression and anxiety continued, and I was struggling very badly. Eventually, my doctor put me on another depression medication and this one worked. I felt happier for a while, but soon it was clear that I wasn’t any better. I was still struggling with my issues of focus at work, failing to get things done, panic about the future and on and on. The anti-anxiety meds continued to work very well, but things got worse and I wasn’t sleeping well (although I never have) and due to the alcohol was waking up at 3a in a panic.

I went back to my doctor, and she said that maybe I was bi-polar, but that she could not diagnose this and so I needed to see a psychiatrist. I was desperate to find an answer and to get on equal footing with everyone else whose minds seemed to be working just fine. I spoke with the psychiatrist for about a half hour and he said, “You are not bipolar. You have ADHD.” I wasn’t ready for that. I was still of the mindset that this was what was once called “hyper” and that I definitely didn’t have whatever it was my cousin had. The doctor also said that he could not diagnose it with an interview and that I had to go through some testing. So that I did. Two days of tests on memory, intelligence and so on. He also said that I should pick up this book about ADHD in adults, which I did on the way home. I read the first 20 pages or so and it felt like the book was written for me.

The testing was conducted by a psychologist who does this and only this. He was a bit spacey, looked like the stereotypical psychologist and didn’t have to do much but set me up in a room with the tests. After a week or so I went back to find out how it went. He came in and took out some papers, leafed through them and said, “It looks like you don’t have ADHD.” I was happy in that I did not have this ADHD thing, which I did not understand beyond the book which seemed to say that I was textbook ADHD, but sad that I also didn’t have an answer to what the hell was wrong with me. He turned to another page, then back to the front, then said, “Oh, wait, you definitely do have ADHD.”

My doctor put me on one of the popular ADHD meds and it worked immediately. I was able to focus much better, not like everyone else, but much better for me. And over time, we’ve adjusted the dose to where I’m doing very, very well.

But here’s the rub: it’s ADHD, which most people, myself included before this experience, thought was only for kids, wasn’t even a real diagnosis, everyone gets hyper or forgetful or… While my wife at the time, was very supportive, wanting me to be better, but sharing this diagnosis with other people tends to fall flat at best and even inspire some quiet derision. And I’m talking about people who love me. When I have brought it up as a reason for my behavior people tend to quickly gloss over it. Like, “Yeah, whatever, but why do you really behave that way?”

Over time I’ve read much more and watched countless videos about ADHD in adults, and it is almost comical how accurate they are in describing me. I wasn’t really a believer before my diagnosis but have grown absolutely certain over time that is what I have, but again, most people are unwilling to believe it, let alone talk about it, or offer any support. It’s like I’m suddenly walking around saying, “I’m a witch.”

I should note that there is a lot of support online, and of course, lots of folks who want to sell you something, but in reality, people simply don’t believe it. Even if they don’t say that, it is very clear in their actions.

It sucks, but to be honest, I don’t give a fuck what other people think or believe about me or ADHD. I’m just happy that I have this diagnosis and I am dealing with it. It’s been a godsend, but I’ve stopped bringing it up, which is sad, but simply my new reality. I would appreciate if people would take it seriously and so be a bit understanding, but the discussion around ADHD, kids and over-medicating has eclipsed the reality of the diagnosis. And when you’re an old guy coming in and saying that he has ADHD, it will mostly fall on deaf ears – at best.

Plus, now I’m taking speed to calm down – and it works! But I would never tell you. You’d say that I just want to get free speed, the one drug I never wanted.

Get Outlook for Mac

Cut and Paste

“Leaves are staying on the trees of northwestern Ohio a month longer than they did a century ago.”

And

“The number of stars visible in the sky will fall by 60 percent in the next eighteen years.”

And

“…and windy outdoor conditions were worsening bacterial contamination on chicken farms in the America West.”

And

“Five-year-olds will believe a trustworthy robot over an unreliable human, even if the robot is shaped like a truck.”

Too many Americans continue to believe in the trucks long past five years old.

From Harpers Magazine, “Findings”, June 2023.

Right!

“What we measure is the Earth kind of moving in this sea. It’s bobbing around — and it’s not just bobbing up and down, its bobbing in all directions,” said Michael Lam, an astrophysicist at the SETI Institute and a member of the North American Nanohertz Observatory for Gravitational Waves (NANOGrav),*

I was thinking about joining NANOGrav. 😐

*I’ll find the source if anyone wonders.

The Ultimate Discovery

Electricity! This might be the most important book I’ve read in, well, forever. I’ve always been fascinated with the fact that there is only energy, and that all matter is just energy. If we could somehow turn the energy of the universe off, everything would disappear. That blows my mind. And in my book, I talk about Energy as a sort of God, that which gives us life, that which sustains us and IS us – and everything else. So I talk about the fact that God is Everything and Everything is all a part of God.

I’ve been waiting for this book: “We Are Electric: Inside the 200-Year Hunt for Our Body’s Bioelectric Code, and what the Future Holds.” The author, Sally Adee, (I believe) coined the term, Electrome, much like the gut Biome, of which we’ve talked about quite a bit recently. She does a deep dive into the history of how we came to understand energy and our bodies and life, with great stories of the scientists and others who worked on this over time, then how every cell has energy, and on and on. I won’t give it away, because it’s really, really interesting.

As our understanding of how electricity manages our body and, as she points out, is a sort of separate nervous system, and what it can already do and what can be possibly done with it in the future, it really feels like I’m reading about the future of medicine wrapped in lots of great stories at the hands of an amazing author. She’s obviously super smart, but makes it not only accessible, but quite the story! If you’re into this sort of thing, I would strongly recommend it. It’s a blast to read and also a glimpse into the future of medicine. We are electric. We need to recognize it and see what we can do with it to better ourselves and our future.

The people are woke and global, sorry fatheads

Hearing about Vladimir Putin’s attempts to keep his citizens in the dark about what he was planning and now, what he is doing, in Ukraine is laughable. How is it that these angry old guys really think they can keep information away from people in the age of the Internet? Russia is a modern country, their people are logged in and connected to everyone else logged in. Yes, the state media controlled their message and was telling them one thing but just how many modern educated Russians believe their official state television? Probably about as many Americans who watch Fox News and believe that. (Fox has about 1.5 million daily viewers or about .003 percent of the American population.)

Russians get their news from many sources as do educated and curious people all around the world. They get Russian news, BBC, German news, and on and on – the new perspective is global, which many powerful men and women disdain as it sucks life out of the power to which they cling like deer ticks. Unless Putin could somehow corral the entire world of media into playing along with his lies, or build a dome across his 11 time zones, he is absolutely screwed when it comes to controlling what his people see, hear and know. And we see now how badly he has failed. Brave Russians are protesting in the streets, which to us in America might not sound so amazing, but protesting in Russia is not, shall we say, encouraged by the State. Protesters put themselves and their families in real, sometimes mortal danger.

Even North Korea, a veritable desert of outside news, can’t stop it all. Defectors have reported various ways their citizens still find a way to get western information, usually entertainment, into the country. If the Kim’s can’t do it, no one can.

Here in our own nation, fatheads around the country are banning or trying to ban books, like it’s 1952. This is the absolute dumbest (and dumbing) move the said fatheads can attempt. First, tell a young person with even a modicum of smarts and self-respect not to read a book and they will find a way to read the book. Duh. Second, ban them where? Books are everywhere. You could work to ban it in a school but another school with have it, so will the library, and so will, ahem, Amazon. And third, kids have printers. Got it, fatheads? We know that what you’re doing is merely to make others like you happy to further your political careers, but you look so dumb doing it, that it can only backfire. It seems that you also should read those books, and many more, until you get it.

Young people are woke and global (as are many old people). Your attempts to turn back the clock, jam the toothpaste back in the tube, close the barn door after the cows all left reminds me of the old guy on the 70s television show “Soap” who would snap his fingers and think that he’d become invisible when all the people around him just kind of groaned and went on with their business. You’re ridiculous. You have zero respect for the modern world and for the intelligence of young people. They don’t need you telling them what they can and cannot read. They need you to get the hell out of the way so they can build a new world that recognizes reality, not the wishes of a washed up generation who is handing those same young people a planet that we continue to fuck up on a daily basis.

This is not to mention all of the misinformation perpetrated by these same people around COVID. That led to dead Americans and lots of them. For that, if Christianity is correct, you will all land in hell. Sorry. Well, not really.