Category: nature

Everybody Has ADHD

I have a cousin who in the 1970s was diagnosed as simply “hyper” and boy howdy was he! He was most like the Tasmanian Devil of cartoon fame. It was completely outside his control and my father who was a doctor, as was my cousin’s father, told me that he takes speed as medication. I found that incredibly odd and he said that speed works differently in my cousin’s body and actually calms him down. 

I would have thought my childhood was normal, although I got into drugs and alcohol at a very young age, marijuana particularly. When I smoked it, I could do anything, or better yet, could keep doing everything. Running, reading, playing my guitar, studying and so on were all more enjoyable and kept my focus and so kept my effort going. But I got in some trouble with the alcohol side of things. I got arrested with a friend at 16 drunk and going to a midnight movie. We were walking and had beer and weed. My weed was in a vial that I took from my dad’s bureau, which he noted when he picked me up at the police station. Did not go well. 

I wrapped my parent’s car around a telephone pole drunk in 11th grade, chipping a friend’s tooth, but thankfully, did not go beyond that. We ran from the car to my friend’s house and I believe I mostly just cried. I was chased out of a high school dance for being too drunk and eventually made my way home in the snow somehow with one shoe and no coat. This sort of behavior happened throughout my high school days, but I didn’t think much of it overall. I kind of thought that everyone was doing that stuff, I mean, it was the 70s. 

I graduate, the behavior mostly continues, and over time, I start to develop serious anxiety. I didn’t even know what it was, but it was actually debilitating. Eventually I found my way to a psychologist who explained that all to me. I was put on an anti-depressant but hated how it made me feel and quit. I was also given some anxiety meds to use when it hits me badly, and that worked like a charm. 

So I spent the next 25 years self-medicating with alcohol and became a full-blown alcoholic. Because it worked. I could have a bad day at work then at 5ppour a few drinks down the gullet and voila! Whatever happened that day was chased from my mind and I was in bliss. 

However, the depression and anxiety continued, and I was struggling very badly. Eventually, my doctor put me on another depression medication and this one worked. I felt happier for a while, but soon it was clear that I wasn’t any better. I was still struggling with my issues of focus at work, failing to get things done, panic about the future and on and on. The anti-anxiety meds continued to work very well, but things got worse and I wasn’t sleeping well (although I never have) and due to the alcohol was waking up at 3a in a panic. 

I went back to my doctor, and she said that maybe I was bi-polar, but that she could not diagnose this and so I needed to see a psychiatrist. I was desperate to find an answer and to get on equal footing with everyone else whose minds seemed to be working just fine. I spoke with the psychiatrist for about a half hour and he said, “You are not bipolar. You have ADHD.” I wasn’t ready for that. I was still of the mindset that this was what was once called “hyper” and that I definitely didn’t have whatever it was my cousin had. The doctor also said that he could not diagnose it with an interview and that I had to go through some testing. So that I did. Two days of tests on memory, intelligence and so on. He also said that I should pick up this book about ADHD in adults, which I did on the way home. I read the first 20 pages or so and it felt like the book was written for me.

The testing was conducted by a psychologist who does this and only this. He was a bit spacey, looked like the stereotypical psychologist and didn’t have to do much but set me up in a room with the tests. After a week or so I went back to find out how it went. He came in and took out some papers, leafed through them and said, “It looks like you don’t have ADHD.” I was happy in that I did not have this ADHD thing, which I did not understand beyond the book which seemed to say that I was textbook ADHD, but sad that I also didn’t have an answer to what the hell was wrong with me. He turned to another page, then back to the front, then said, “Oh, wait, you definitely do have ADHD.” 

My doctor put me on one of the popular ADHD meds and it worked immediately. I was able to focus much better, not like everyone else, but much better for me. And over time, we’ve adjusted the dose to where I’m doing very, very well. 

But here’s the rub: it’s ADHD, which most people, myself included before this experience, thought was only for kids, wasn’t even a real diagnosis, everyone gets hyper or forgetful or… While my wife at the time, was very supportive, wanting me to be better, but sharing this diagnosis with other people tends to fall flat at best and even inspire some quiet derision. And I’m talking about people who love me. When I have brought it up as a reason for my behavior people tend to quickly gloss over it. Like, “Yeah, whatever, but why do you really behave that way?” 

Over time I’ve read much more and watched countless videos about ADHD in adults, and it is almost comical how accurate they are in describing me. I wasn’t really a believer before my diagnosis but have grown absolutely certain over time that is what I have, but again, most people are unwilling to believe it, let alone talk about it, or offer any support. It’s like I’m suddenly walking around saying, “I’m a witch.” 

I should note that there is a lot of support online, and of course, lots of folks who want to sell you something, but in reality, people simply don’t believe it. Even if they don’t say that, it is very clear in their actions. 

It sucks, but to be honest, I don’t give a fuck what other people think or believe about me or ADHD. I’m just happy that I have this diagnosis and I am dealing with it. It’s been a godsend, but I’ve stopped bringing it up, which is sad, but simply my new reality. I would appreciate if people would take it seriously and so be a bit understanding, but the discussion around ADHD, kids and over-medicating has eclipsed the reality of the diagnosis. And when you’re an old guy coming in and saying that he has ADHD, it will mostly fall on deaf ears – at best. 

Plus, now I’m taking speed to calm down – and it works! But I would never tell you. You’d say that I just want to get free speed, the one drug I never wanted. 

Get Outlook for Mac

A dream to lead

As a fifth grader, he became the youngest person ever to win the northern California K – 12 championship according to chess.com. In November 2007, he was named the under 12 world chess champion.

He was awarded the title of international master in 2011 and earned his grandmaster title in 2013 at a tournament in Villa de Benasque, Spain. He was 17 and had yet to finish high school school.

Naroditsky graduated from Stanford University in 2019 with a bachelors degree in history. Though his parents wanted him to pursue a corporate career, he dedicated his life to chess…

Sad story, such a young man, so incredibly talented. But I found that bit about his parents wanting him to pursue a corporate career when he was a chess grand master at age 17 odd. You would think they would continue to encourage the game he plays, and who actually wants their child to pursue a corporate career? Isn’t a corporate career where you end up? Do kids dream about corporate careers? 

Obituary from the New York Times, published in the Minnesota Star Tribune, October 26, 2025

Too much sherry, gramps?

I’m finding that I’m really enjoying just lying my head back. At my desk, in the car, my reading chair and everywhere else. Sometimes it feels like it has to go back, like it’s teetering on my spine and just ready to fall one way or the other, so I have to choose and I’m choosing back. Sometimes my eyes close. 

My grandpa was the sort of man who would fall asleep at a party or in mid-conversation. And now when my head begins to list, I think of him, and of the fact that he was from a generation of people who would never take advantage of a sleeping person with a sharpie. 

I’m a terrible sleeper. Up late and light sleep and need to eat cookies at two am and stuff like that. Maybe my grandpa was too, and that’s why he nodded off frequently wherever. I did not know him for long and so don’t know if this was something he did throughout his life. Or was he like me and so now I’m descending into this newfound narcolepsy, and the joy of allowing my head to lie back is just the start of my slippery slide into the ultimate social faux pas. “You fell asleep. Oh, were you bored with us? The conversation didn’t tickle your fancy, so you decided to, rather than fake interest, just go to fuckin’ sleep?” 

So if you see me in public and I’m sleeping know that it was a powerful genetic influence that led to that sleeping man, and not too much whiskey or actual narcolepsy. 

Another letter never published

I like to write letters to the editor and here’s one (of many) they ignored.

The column inches dedicated to the cost of eggs over the last year has been absolutely ludicrous. Eggs are expensive because there is a shortage of eggs because we humans had to kill millions and millions of egg-laying chickens due to the bird flu. A shortage of something leads to an increase in price. Even our dear leader* can’t do anything about it, short of firing all the people tasked with killing the chickens or possibly adding bleach to their feeding tubes to treat the flu. 

I’ve never seen an asshole

I’ve never seen an asshole die of cancer. Everyone I know has been among the kindest people I knew. I wonder what this is like to experience – the death of someone who has been cruel and angry and awful, and succumbing to cancer. Do they change? I wanna hear about a morning-after Scrooge epiphany. A great transformation of spirit! Or do they mostly just go out in a blaze of hate and unhappiness? Just one more way the universe conspired against them.

News Letter 020925

Just to note

I found this in the paper today. A coach’s description of a new player in perfect sportsese. “He has the ability to make plays,” __ said. “He’s got good hands and can shoot the puck.”
Nice. 

February 28, 2025

Good people gotta get together. One great thing we can do that I’ve heard about is getting off social media and any media and spending no money anywhere on February 28, 2025. Especially online or large retailers. Money is one of the psychopaths’ two languages; this would send a very strong message that we are the ones with the real… Power is the other language they understand. Neanderthals.  
Let’s take it away for just one day.
To start.

From Harper’s Index

Estimated amount of energy, in kilowatt-hours, that was used to discover a new prime number last year: 3,100,000

Estimated number of U.S. households this amount of energy could power for a year: 287,000.

The world is full of these things that just slip by.

I love this

From: “The Painted Protest: How politics destroyed contemporary art” by Dean Kissick in Harper’s December 2024. I love Harper’s. Can you tell?

SCIENCE!!

“In his 2022 book The Mind of a Bee, behavioral ecologist Lars Chittka chronicles his decades of work with honey bees, showing that bees can use sign language, recognize individual human faces, and remember and convey locations of far-flung flowers. They have good moods and bad, and they can be traumatized by near-death experiences such as being grabbed be an animatronic spider hidden in a flower. (Who wouldn’t be?)”

From “Minds Everywhere” by Rowan Jacobsen, in Scientific American February 2024; Illustrations by Natalya Balnova 

(Do I need to cite an artist when I’m just pulling a quote?)


Kendrick Lamar and the Super Bowl Halftime Show

The Super Bowl Halftime Show is an extravaganza of outrageousness. But it can be really cool. I just watched Kendrick Lamar – I have one of his albums – “To Pimp a Butterfly” – and I dig it and see his genius throughout his career and know how talented he is. But the extravaganza of outrageousness calls for a can-be-somewhat outrageous artist, an artist that can match that huge stage, in the middle of a boring (or exciting) football game, like Prince. Prince owned that huge stage.  And I think that is partly because the tempo of his music changed.  He could start slow and build up for the audience and then blow the doors off the place. Which he did. Rap songs mostly stay with one tempo which makes it harder for the artist to do what a Prince or Bruno Mars or Madonna can do. That is my theory of Kendrick Lamar and the Super Bowl Halftime Show

Luke Digs Deep to Discover How Tempo Affects Mostly Wealthy Listeners Clutching 24 Ounce 75 Dollar Beers in a Dark Stadium During the Halftime Break of an Athletic Contest

It’s like camping in comfort of your own bed

I don’t sleep well. I did when I drank, but that was more a passing out than going to sleep. And that went on for 40+ years. That freaks me out. I don’t even feel 40, mostly. But I don’t sleep well, and I’ve tried everything except any sort of sleeping medication – real ones, good ones. The ones that work. And that’s why I didn’t take em, because they work. I’ve taken many a drug in my time, but for whatever reason, I didn’t want to go there. Alcohol knocks you out, as I noted above, but you get those 7 hours of drinking leading up to it. Popping a pill and dropping off like boom is weird. It’s like the fancy people who always have proper meals and you stand at the sink wolfing down leftovers out of the to go containers. Maybe.

So, New Years Eve night before we were to go on a strict budget on January 1 I was on social media and got an ad for sheets that were able to be grounded and so ground you as you slept. Seriously. Here’s the ad. Okay, I can’t put the video up for some reason. Anyone know how to insert an Instagram ad into a blog? But found this one with the same guy. https://youtube.com/shorts/tdD0xP4040s?si=hT2Q90eQpP-4Z-bg

I thought, what the fuck? Even if it’s a bunch of hooey I get sheets, and I need sheets. But I do have to say that ad kicked ass. The guy talking is perfect, handsome, sciency but normal, and what he says and claims about this grounding business blew me away. While, of course, raising the beware internet scams flag. But I bought them and about two weeks ago they arrived. Well, they didn’t. What arrived was 9×12 padded envelope. Inside was a piece of sheet, I guess, about two feet wide and 8 feel long. And a cord that snaps onto the sheet with just the little round ground plug on the other end that I plugged into the nearest outlet. That’s perfect me, by the way. I didn’t bother to read the thing. I just went to the first item on their website, I suppose, and somewhere saw “sheet” and clicked buy. It was $99. Which was expensive even for a full set of sheets for a guy like me. I got ripped off, I figured and will forget to even try to return it. That’s the MO. I’ve got issues. 

This came also in the envelope. 

Feast your eyes on what this thing can do. These are some serious claims, although “Enhances detoxification processes” sounds a bit bullshitty. 

So, I plug in my slip and slide lookin grounded sheet, strip naked to get the whole effect and lie down on it. I immediately experience what feels like the energy in my body falling down toward the fabric. It was weird but it also felt really good like that meditation of feeling the weight of your body being pulled toward the floor. My jaw was tingling. 

All right, I figured it was me being all excited about it, some psychosomatic or placebo effect. So I got up thinking that it was for sleeping on anyway and walked away. Later in the day, I tried it again, and I got the same feelings. Still, though, placebo and for sleep. 

I slept that night. Much, much harder than I had for as long as I can remember. It was a feeling I remembered now but had forgotten. I dreamed again. I hadn’t dreamed in a very long time. I usually wake up a couple-three times at night and I only woke up once. Could this thing seriously be for real, was grounding in this way somehow able to grab hold of my circadian rhythms and get them dancing in unison? Do we have more than one circadian rhythm?

PLEASE NOTE I AM NOT SUGGESTING IN ANY WAY THAT THIS MAKES ANY SENSE TO ME AND I AM NOT SHILLING FOR THIS COMPANY. THERE ARE A MILLION OF THEM OUT THERE I GUESS GROUNDING PEOPLE THROUGHOUT THE LAND. THIS IS NOT A SPONSORED BLOG, NOR HAVE I HAD ANY CONTACT WITH ANYONE RELATED TO THE COMPANY, ALTHOUGH I’D LIKE TO MEET THE GUY IN THE VIDEO. I THINK HE’D BE A GOOD CONVERSATIONALIST. 

It’s been a couple of weeks and it’s still working. I’m sleeping way better. And I can still feel the energy thing. But maybe it’s still psychosomatic or placebo. I don’t know. How can I know? But could something this simple have merit like this? Sitting right under our noses for all these many years. Just sleep on the ground, fool! I’ll bet cowboys slept well.

Busy Busy

I’m a busy guy and it stresses me out a bit. I run a business and own half of another one. I have two kids – 12th grade and off to college next year, and one in her second year at the university, I have a large house (2,500 square feet) with a detached garage with a second-floor office space, about an acre of land to take care of, family, friends and all the rest. Many of you can see yourself in much of that. It’s life and it’s freaking busy. 

But I have friends that have pretty much none of that and yet they are equally stressed and complain of being way too busy, and I have one friend who doesn’t work but has a few hobbies and watches a lot of TV, and he’s the most stressed of all. It’s like whatever life we lead, we will be stressed. Maybe not when we’re old and have enough of a nest egg to live comfortably. But that was my parents, and my dad would absolutely stress out if I hadn’t taken the dock in at the cabin in mid-September before the lake froze (in late November).

I suppose we’ve evolved to need stress. Our bodies know it’s important to survive in the world – some sort of stress response. We need to run from lions, you know?

Tests of what?

An obituary appeared in the newspaper a few days ago for Reg Murphy, who was a newspaper editor at The Atlanta Constitution, among other jobs and publications. He passed away recently at the age of 90. What interested me was a story about him that happened in 1974, which is why I don’t remember it at all. (I was ten.) So one day, while at the paper Mr. Murphy was contacted by a man “identified as William A.H. Williams, a drywall subcontractor.” Mr. Williams reached out to Mr. Murphy ostensibly about 300,000 gallons of heating oil he wanted to donate “to a worthy cause.”

It was all rather odd and he wanted Mr. Murphy to go to his lawyer’s office to sign some papers, but as Mr. Murphy said, he went along because it was important and usual “for newspapermen to have to lead open lives and be available to anonymous or strange people.” Strange indeed. Once Mr. Murphy was in the car, Mr. Williams brandished a gun and said, “Mr. Murphy, you have been kidnapped.” Why? It’s going to sound very familiar. First, he said he was a “‘colonel in the American Revolutionary Army’ and ranted against the ‘lying, leftist, liberal news media’ and ‘Jews in the government.'” Murphy by the way was a moderate in politically.

But what the hell? It’s the same shit people are slinging right now. This was 50 years ago! When are we going to grow up? Lump all Jews into a single stereotype and bitch about the so-called liberal media? Great. I think it’s time we put away this way of thinking and acting.

What? They won? Oh. The dog caught the car. This is going to get interesting. However, …

Jews, immigrants, people of color, gay people, sick people, artists, disabled people, poor people, incarcerated people, and decent, liberal white folks, do you understand that the federal government, beginning in January, is actually openly gunning for you? For who you are, what you stand for, how you love, where you worship or come from?

I hope so. Because without you viscerally experiencing the very real fear, danger and anger you should be experiencing right now, and doing something about it, we’re screwed as a nation; and as individuals who do not, for whatever arbitrary reason, live up to the very real and very bizarre physical, mental, emotional, sexual, political, religious and whatever else set of creepy-ass tests of character or personhood or deserving of being treated nicely, or whatever the fuck they make up and use to judge everyone else.

Sit on your hands on the buses of life, blushing at all the apple stealers. That’s a paraphrase, I think, of Davie Bowie. This is not: And then one day, the apple stealers show up with guns.