The secret of being boring is to say everything.

The prescient Voltaire

The quote is Voltaire’s and so precedes Facebook by a few centuries, but would certainly have been uttered by him again had he had the distinct pleasure to read the daily, sometimes hourly, even minute-by-minute observations shared by his “friends”. Facebook has many uses for people, organizations and multi-national corporations. It’s become a sort of individually tailored town square through which we users all walk (some only occasionally, others never seem to leave) to greet our friends, hear the gossip and see the storefronts and street vendors. It’s ultimately a terribly lazy, and strangely passive (even camouflaged), way to go about experiencing the world. You can more or less hide in a bush by the sidewalk and just watch it all unfold from there (generally my M.O.).

That is my way because I don’t communicate well through anything like an online “chat”. The rhythm of the chat (or texting) is broken for me. If we are going to lay out long stories, arguments, treatises and the like and have another comment in return, then that sort of typing, sending and waiting for reply works just fine. But if we’re going to have a conversation with short sentences (not even) and shorter replies, then we must do that in person or with sound. To wait more than a half of a second for someone to reply to “Meet me at Luce” with “OK” is ludicrous. It’s a colossal waste of time and, keeping in mind the rule that 99 percent of all quoted numbers are made up, I would bet that we’re wasting millions of hours of time each year waiting for simple, often inane, replies.

The other problem with the chat business is it becomes chatty and chatty is girlie which is why I’ve always said that Facebook is for girls and chatty boys. Imagine any real man – real or Hollywood induced – and then imagine them posting their status on Facebook. John Wayne, no way. Bronco Nagurski, not a chance. James Bond, not unless it was really a trigger to a bunker busting bomb on the side of a mountain on an island somewhere in the ocean. That’s because it’s information lite; and these guys were men of few words and certainly wouldn’t waste any on “Having red sauce with fresh tomatoes and basil tonight!”

And that chattiness, especially in the one-way fashion it mostly unfolds on Facebook, becomes in its breadth, boring. No one can talk (or post) constantly and consistently say something of worth. And like the Menards commercials playing in the Menards while you are shopping, it first surprises, then annoys, then irritates and eventually slips a bit into the background as a minor irritation like a leg dotted with mosquito bites.

But like scratching the bites, I have this strange compulsion to read the incessant posts. Mostly it’s the proverbial train wreck from which I cannot turn. The gore, the sickness, the sadness, the sense of there but for the grace of the gods go I, are all somehow alluring, and yet simultaneously, and ultimately, boring.

That being said, here I am posting my own thoughts. There are two differences however: I don’t expect a reply and the related second difference, no one is reading this – my town square here is empty!

I guess we’re all broadcasting our thoughts with various degrees of thoughtfulness, intimacy and engagement.

kid blue

Louise Goffin: Kid Blue

Wow. I just came across this album in the stacks. I was in love with, and in fact, married to, although she didn’t know that, Louise Goffin for a year or so around 1979. “Kid Blue” was a great album! The music, the cover shots, the pedigree. I was seriously day-dreamed into believing she and I were married. Oh, Louise, it was all very unrequited. I’ve been hurt by love.

tricky

I’m coming out in favor of the new american idol. Right. The same old american idol. But with the new judges and whatnot, it feels a bit fresh. Exactly what it needed. So that’s my stance on american idol. Go ahead and file it.

Tonight I heard they had tricky on and I know tricky and was thinking, “sweet! Tricky!” But then I saw the dude and I thought, “wait a minute! That’s not my tricky!” and I realized that I had a tricky. My very own tricky. And apparently there is more than one tricky.

my tricky
another tricky

moby duck

moby duck: : The True Story of 28,800 Bath Toys Lost at Sea and of the Beachcombers, Oceanographers, Environmentalists, and Fools, Including the Author, Who Went

I read the article in Harper’s that preceded this book some years back on the North Shore of Lake Superior on a rainy autumn day. It was a beautifully told and fascinating story about a shipping container filled with these rubber duckies that slides from a ship in the middle of the Pacific, I think, and begin popping up on beaches around the world. I’ve been forever blown away by a description of an area (hundreds of?) miles in diameter some where in the Pacific where plastic (and other) garbage comes together in the currents, almost coagulates – plastic bottles, shopping bags, laundry baskets, and on and on and on. Yum.

nothing is impossible

I’ve got this picture of my cousin Perry Barnes water skiing except he’s on a disk and not skis and on the disk – maybe three feet in diameter – he’s placed a stool – maybe two feet tall – and it’s 1971 and he’s got a kickass mustache and he’s standing on the stool skimming along at 25 miles an hour on a sunny summer day on South Long Lake. Brilliant.

Nothing is impossible.

surprisingly quiet

[Contraption]

GAS PASSERS

From a website for Spartan Digital Electronics, a company invented by the Government Accountability Office for a covert test of the Energy Star rating-approval and monitoring procedure. Of twenty imaginary products submitted, fifteen were approved, including the one below; in its March report, the GAO concluded that the program is “for the most part a self certification program vulnerable to fraud and abuse.”

Spartan Digital Electronics is proud to announce its latest line of home electronics. The gas-powered Black Gold model clock radio is sleek, durable, easy on your electric bill, and surprisingly quiet. The newly Energy Star – qualified product is safe for indoor use and easy on the environment. This product approximates the size of a small portable generator for increased ease while traveling.

As quoted in Harpers Magazine July 2010

bipartisan sleazery

“An analysis of 20 years of politicians’ sex scandals reveals that Republicans have slightly more of them – 34 since 1990, compared with 27 for Democrats. Republicans have had more scandals that involved prostitutes, politicians claiming to stand for ‘family values,’ and underage boys; Democrats’ scandals are more likely to involve female staffers, sexual harassment, and underage girls.”

It seems Republicans are kinkier, gayer and more hypocritical and Democrats are, quite frankly, less interesting in their extra-marital screwing-abouts.

eyes and fingers

“The Indian government is trying to give each of its 1.2 billion citizens a ‘universal identity number’ that will have biometric markers, such as an iris scan. Fingerprint markers may not work because many Indians’ fingerprints are worn off by years of manual labor.”
The Week
quoting The Economist

Imagine being identifiable to your government with an iris scan.

Then imagine working so hard you no longer have fingerprints.